Friday, January 19, 2018 15:26

Archive for March, 2009

Happy Zombie Day!

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

by Robbie Hunter

Z Day started off as a typical Saturday for me: pissed off at everyone and everything. I was pissed off because I was trapped indoors with a bunch of pathetic whiners. Not all of them were whining, though. Some were just sitting there quietly, though one guy was looking murderously at the fat bastard who swiped the last donut. St. Rotundus, patron saint of lardasses, needed a few more salads and a few less donuts, if you ask my opinion.

The court-appointed quack didn’t bother to show up for today’s whinefest. It was good in that I didn’t have to listen to this sanctimonious, condescending ass try to lecture us on how we’re powerless and we need a Higher Power™ to govern our lives. I mean, hell, I get enough of that at school. It was bad in that I was wasting my time at the counseling center when I could have been doing something productive, like World of Warcraft or Left 4 Dead.

To make matters worse, the corporate-whore-media-shill on the tube was going on about riots breaking out at the medical center.

Being the kind, sensitive, and patient soul that I am, I informed the wage-slave office drone, who looked like she was a reject from the latest Romero flick, that I was getting the hell out of there. She made me sign a few papers, but I stood away from her; I didn’t want to catch whatever bug it was that she had.

The guy who was all butt-hurt about missing out on the last donut offered to give me a ride home. I admit to being just a little creeped out by it, but given the reports of the riots going on around the area, I decided that it was best if I accepted his offer. He said his name was Joe.

That is when the not-so-proverbial shit hit the fan.

We were walking to Joe’s truck when he stopped to talk to a friend of his. Meanwhile, a couple of esteemed representatives of the Houston Pig Department ran into the ER and start popping off caps like crazy.

Oinker #1 made a hasty and unscheduled departure from the ER via the front window, followed by some blood-spattered nurse who started nibbling on the Oinker like he was the last pork chop on the plate. Yeah, and I thought I was creeped out before….

Joe pulled out a gun and started shooting at the nurse who was chowing down on the cop, but she didn’t seem reall phased by this. I mentioned that he should shoot her in the head, which he did. That seemed to take the fight out of her – permanently.

Anyway, things started happening really fast, but don’t ask for details. I was too busy trying not to piss myself to pay too much attention. So now Joe was trying to drive me and his friend Seth to his brother’s place where we can stock up on guns and ammo, but that’s a story for another time.

Chaos Day – Part One

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

by Joe Miller

Chaos Day started like any other for me.  Like most Saturdays I was nursing a hangover and thinking about what I needed to get at the Home Improvement Depot.  The only thing was I had this court ordered substance abuse group that I had to go to for a DUI I caught on the way home from the deer lease.  I hated the classes and resented going, but hey, the coffee was ok and the donuts were good.
Anyway, I’m sitting there waiting for the good doctor to show up.  He was way late and the new on TV was about rioting at the medical center.  That caught my attention as I was at a medical center.  Turns out I was not at THE medical center, but a medical center.   A lot of people had been coming down with some serious bug after the hurricane.  Some folks were calling it Ike’s Disease.  It hits fast, you get one hell of a cough, then a bad fever.  You bruise easy which is THE sign. Most of the people that get Ike’s bad enough that the bruising sets in, well most of them don’t make it. 

While we are waiting on the Dr. one punk kid in the group, Robbie something or other, he starts bitching at the receptionist who is clearly swamped, she said half the staff was out and the Doctor wasn’t back from lunch yet.  She was coughing and sneezing and looked like hell.   

So after a half hour or so we are all angry.  The kid for being there on a Saturday, others cause the Doc aint in yet and me cause some fat ass took the last of the Krispy Kreams and the coffee is going cold.  I got things to do.  I need to pick up a load of knotty pine for one of the cabins I’m redoing.  The kid tells the lady he is leaving. I ask her to make sure that the state knows we showed up but the good doctor didn’t.  I can’t lose my license, you see.  So she says yes sign here, and here and here and all that crap.

We left the clinic and saw a fight over by the door and a bunch of rent-a-cops headed that way. I offered to drive Robbie home so he wouldn’t have to wait on a bus.  This far north of the city, it would have taken a while.  While we were getting in I saw someone across the street I knew.  I called out to Seth and he came over.  He was in his work clothes, the martial arts stuff he teaches.  He said he was teaching class and one of his students passed out so he brought them to the ER (which is across the street from the clinic) because there were no ambulances available.  Aint that some shit?
While we were talking a couple HPD cruisers pulled up and several cops ran inside. A few seconds later there was gun fire and one of the cops was thrown out the window.  Some chick, covered in blood jumped out after him She jumped on him, he went to push her off and she bit him, taking out a huge chunk of his arm.  I have never seen that much blood come out of a person.  I ran over to help, not sure how, she saw me and charged.  Seth hit her with one of his sticks, but she acted like she didn’t feel it.  I pulled out my pistol and fired two shots into her chest. I know I hit her, she jerked back but didn’t go down, I fired two more, she fell down after that.  But the bitch got back up.  At this time another one, this one wearing a doctors lab coat came out, again covered in blood, she went after Seth, he hit her with his stick and I think cracked her damn skull, it was a hard hit.

Meanwhile that bitch was getting up again and the kid yells “Like the move, shoot her in the f-ing head”  so I did, she stayed down after that.   I tell the kids to get in the truck and we gotta decide what to do, there is like a full riot going on around us and the radio is telling us to get home. Great I live on my boat, Miss Ellie, and she is over 40 miles away.  But it’s all good my brother lives here in Spring.  I decide we just go to his place and chill there.  I got the alarm code, and I know the combo to the gun safe.  Its all good.